Reply To: Have you ever bought a naked charity calendar?

[Anonymous]

Looking awkward and uncomfortable is an interesting one.

For a calendar, I think I’d prefer everyone to be completely happy about it, as if the people in the photos are saying “If I can do this, you can do something (time or money) for the charity”. “If I can overcome my terror at being seen naked, you can overcome your reluctance to chat with homeless folks and make them tea”.

It’s different (for me) if a group of friends have somehow persuaded themselves to flash at the camera to show what a good time they’re having (or what an exciting game/bet they lost). In that situation, if one is clearly regretting it a bit, I like the extra human dimension that brings. How did she get into that situation? Is she secretly enjoying it? Is this the first and last time she’ll do this? How will her friends keep her in the group? Can they persuade her to join in if they want to do it again?

There’s line, as ever, between having your boundaries pushed a bit, and being abused. There are a lot of photos on the internet of girls enjoying having their bikini tops pulled down, or at least enjoying the exciting atmosphere, but that’s a long way from being bullied by being stripped and displayed when you really definitely don’t want that to happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the right balance in that kind of situation. If you’re planning ahead, for a hen-party for example, the answer is probably to agree a safeword. “We’re going to strip you at some point tonight, but say ‘custard’ if you really really want us to stop.” The rule has to be that no means no, but if you’re looking at photos of someone looking distressed at having their top pulled down, how do you know if they’re acting or panicking? I’ve heard that used as an argument for entirely boycotting online nude photos, but hopefully a very large majority of the photos are of people simply having fun.